Jokes

Jokes (Uhm, Parental Discretion is Advised — Kids Click Here!)

joke

noun /jōk/ 
jokes, plural

A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, esp. a story with a funny punchline
- she was in a mood to tell jokes

A trick played on someone for fun

A person or thing that is ridiculously inadequate
- the transportation system is a joke

A Teapot

Tom, a young man in his early 30s was sent to a psychiatric hospital by his family. His friend John was very upset. He believed he was perfectly sane, so he started spending a great deal of time and money to secure Tom’s release. He finally managed to persuade two well known psychiatrists to assess [...]

The Loan

There was an old Native American who wanted a 5000 loan. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewelry to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for collateral?” “Don’t know collateral.” “Well that’s something of value that would cover the [...]

NYC Beggar

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a [...]

Three Moles

Once upon a time, there were three moles living together in a mole-hole, a Papa Mole, a Mama Mole, and a Baby Mole. One morning, the Papa Mole got up and stuck his head out of the mole-hole. “Mmm…” he said, “I smell pancakes!” The Mama Mole got up and stuck her head out of [...]

A Little Monkey Business

A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he’s there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey, please”. The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. [...]

Three Brilliant Office Jokes

A Day Off Sick An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: “I’m sorry, but I’ll not be able to come in today as I’m too sick.” On hearing this his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage: “well, just how [...]

Department of Fish and Wildlife Warnings

The Louisiana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in St. Tammany, Jefferson & Orleans Parish. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as “little bells” on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly. They [...]

Amazing Anagrams

Dormitory == Dirty Room Desperation == A Rope Ends It The Morse Code == Here Come Dots Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ‘em Animosity == Is No Amity Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s Alec Guinness == Genuine Class Semolina == Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I [...]

Murphy’s Law in Sex

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again. 4. Sex has no calories. 5. Sex [...]

Out-of-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. Sorry to have missed [...]

Ten Office Rules

10. Never walk without a document — People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home [...]

Mafia Grandpa’s Watch

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed: “Grandson, I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your tourbillon watch instead.” Said [...]

Two Dwarfs (Rated ‘PG-13′)

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His [...]

A Guy’s Sex Life “Featuring the Monkey!” (‘PG-13′)

It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. “Only twenty years of normal sex life?” but the Lord was very adamant that was all man could have. Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him [...]

The Big Boyfriend (Rated ‘R’)

A man walks into a bar and notices a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. he goes to her and says, “You know, I would LOVE to kiss your breasts!” The embarrassed woman sais, “My boyfriend is the bouncer here, and if you don’t leave me alone I will go get him!” “Ok, ok, I [...]