Out-of-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. Sorry to have missed [...] Read more »

Ten Office Rules

10. Never walk without a document — People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home [...] Read more »

Mafia Grandpa’s Watch

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed: “Grandson, I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your tourbillon watch instead.” Said [...] Read more »

Little Baby Orangutans Get Scared

These cute baby orangutans are outside on their own for the first time and are afraid of the macaque monkeys. They should! Babies are supposed to stay at home or in nurseries. Read more »

Two Dwarfs (Rated ‘PG-13′)

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His [...] Read more »

A Guy’s Sex Life “Featuring the Monkey!” (‘PG-13′)

It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. “Only twenty years of normal sex life?” but the Lord was very adamant that was all man could have. Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him [...] Read more »

The Big Boyfriend (Rated ‘R’)

A man walks into a bar and notices a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. he goes to her and says, “You know, I would LOVE to kiss your breasts!” The embarrassed woman sais, “My boyfriend is the bouncer here, and if you don’t leave me alone I will go get him!” “Ok, ok, I [...] Read more »

18 Bottles of Whiskey

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the [...] Read more »

I Like Monkeys (Props to Dave P.)

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let [...] Read more »

Don’t Speak

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike [...] Read more »

Welcome to the Church (Props to Tom K.)

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly [...] Read more »

« Previous Page
Next Page »